Let’s be messy

I say, there is no ideal way to start posting art online when you’ve been on hiatus. Or at least, I’m not aware yet of how to approach it without it feeling extremely uncomfortable and clunky. So here I throw up my hands and say “Whatever will be, let’s just go!”

2024 has been a messy year, so why not just spend the last few months of it scrambling to figure out what I want to do with my art?

I thought I had started off 2024 strong in January, posting here regularly, planning out the art I was working on. I even finished painting the Reiellasara inked digital painting (the line art of which I posted back on January 15, 2024) while dealing with a major family emergency. (And you can see her smirk changed to a very serious frown, as my head was all over the place).

My energy drifted away from me in February: taken by worries for my family and wanting to spend more time with loved ones. Given to my house projects, because renovating a house from mostly scratch is a lot of time and energy. Time to my considerably larger (compared to the last couple years) flower gardens and raised beds, which have been so rewarding, but man oh man, that could sink all my time, if I wasn’t careful! Time to practice belly dance, off and on.

And time to draw in fits and starts in my sketchbook. I have a bunch of work I just don’t want to share, because it feels so raw and clumsy. I finished my sketchbook number 8 this week, which I’d started back in September 2023. Maybe I’ll make that sketchbook share video eventually, but I’m trying not to stress about it.

Starting a brand new sketchbook Number 9, I’ve felt even more like I’m doing everything all wrong, in the wrong order, with the wrong approach. I feel like I second guess myself too much, spend too much time arguing in my own head. It’s exhausting, and I want to be done with that approach.

Realistically, I feel like my biggest blocker to posting was that back in February I switched from Windows to Linux, at the urging of Ricky. And while it’s mostly been OK, not having Adobe Creative Cloud working the way I want has been a giant pain (not to mention waste of money, because I’m still paying for it in the hopes I can use it soon >_>*). The virtual machine that was supposed to be able to handle running Photoshop just could not even. Ricky helped me update hardware, but it didn’t seem to help. And there is something that might help, but I don’t recall what he said that would be. I’m so ready to just buy a Mac.

Feeling more than a little lost at not having Photoshop, and resisting using Procreate on my iPad because I’m sick of feeling overwhelmed and disappointed. I can’t really crop or edit Procreate files after I’m finished with them, the way I would want to finish and watermark them in PS. It’s easier to leave my iPad on the shelf, letting it’s expensive battery drain, then recharge it only to only use it for a few minutes. 0/10 would not recommend, very demoralizing.

I used Photoshop to crop blog images and make my featured image at the top of each post. There are alternatives to PS, of course, but I felt angry and stubborn about the situation. Well, time to change.

So I’m going to just settle, just let what is, be what it is. My super clunky featured image made in Gimp, which I’m sorry to say I’m not over the moon about. Critique Adobe as a company that may justly deserve judgement, but Photoshop’s slick user interface combined my own muscle memory for it’s keyboard shortcuts are just *chef’s kiss*.

I miss using PS so much, and it really, really makes me sad that I can’t use it regularly. I’m sure I’ll figure it out, and be back to painting in PS in no time.

Just like how I broke my own website this evening for about 15 minutes, trying to update my theme, and then it worked itself out. FEH.

So, to just simply share art and once again rip the content-sharing band-aid off, here’ s a recent (ish) digital painting created on September 15th (in Procreate):

Gemstones, particularly in watercolor, have become a comfort-zone subject for me to doodle.

The OC Reiellsara colored digital painting, from back in January, was also done in Procreate (since I don’t have Photoshop working *cries*).

There’s about a million things I want to practice, and so many books in my to be read pile. Art related and otherwise. Oh and I’m dealing with my neck and shoulder pain being a very serious detrimental blocker to doing art and also just typing which… is not good when your primary job is one of development. At least I’m actually taking care of that with physical therapy and exercises.

On that note, time to go do some stretches and try practicing some mindfulness.

‘Til next time.