Sketchbooks: Sept. & Oct. 2020

This post has been sitting in draft mode, pictures all ready to go, but no words. The longer it sits, collecting virtual dust bunnies, the harder it is to write something to go with it! How the heck does anybody find a creative cadence that works?!

So here are pages from my small sketchbook, from back in the fall. They include more hand studies, using SenshiStock hand photos for reference. Also some quick face doodles, and belly dance costume drawings (using Pinterest for a mix of references).

Below is a study of my TV and entertainment center, with my reflection, as I sat in one of our reclining chairs. This view is special to me, as was from right before we moved out of the apartment – a lost view, now in my memory only. I really want to draw my living spaces more often: how I wish I’d done that growing up or in college! It feels more memorable than a photo.

And then the first drawing from my new art room set up, before I was settled in and unpacked.

And finally, above, a couple sketches just to practice drawing hair.

And that’s that! I have several other planned posts with finished artwork: some mermaid drawings/paintings, a coffee cup digital painting, the next mark making pieces, and a few new sketchbook pages.

“Photograph and upload artwork” has been at the end of my daily to-do list, but I keep letting it stay at the bottom of the list, not getting attention. >:( I wish I would stop frustrating myself.

Honestly, my daily routine has been draining lately: I feel like I roll out of bed, make coffee right away, doom scroll Twitter (mostly seeing beautiful artwork by all the artists I follow, but also bracing to see what horrible things are going on that day), get ready for work, work from home, log off work around 5pm and immediately feed my cat and make diner, and then either zone out to YouTube or Netflix, doom scroll Twitter more, workout a little (if I’m feeling motivated), do housekeeping… doesn’t really include a whole lot of art making. The times I have made an effort have been really refreshing, so I am not sure at all why I tend to avoid it!

To give myself a little credit, I have been making time at night for more meditating and tending to a new altar setup. I ended up using my bookcase that I bought mainly to hold my scanner, so it’s kind of an awkward set up where my scanner and work laptop case share the altar. The juxtaposition is amusing to me. Or perhaps scanning art and web design are all tied in to my spiritual path. 😉

I snapped the photo above last Sunday, to share on my private Facebook page. I’m trying to just be myself and not be afraid of judgements from others, but oh man, it’s so hard not to worry and overthink everything I put out into the world. Maybe those kind of thought patterns are what’s also keeping my creatively blocked. Hrmmm.

I hate feeling so confused and lost when it comes to my art. I remember when I started this blog – like the original incarnation back in December of 2012 – oh man, I had such faith in myself. I was going to document improving my art skills and blog twice a week, work through all these art books in this giant preconfigured list* I made. I figured I could just force myself to get better and to document myself doing so, all while maintaining a light, airy kind of commentary. And now I feel like I’ve been in the opposite mode for so long: not forcing anything, only working on my personal art and blog posts when the mood strikes. There must be a balance between the two approaches – I feel it’s a path I’m standing so very, very close to, but haven’t yet started to walk. No hard rules, no forced route, but a clearer map. A meandering journey that moves purposefully towards my future artistic self. How will I know when I find that approach?

I guess the answer for tonight is pen to paper: time to draw in my little sketchbook. Eleven little pages to go!

*That list was of like a hundred plus books… lol, yeah, no, did not work out. That list was a ‘hard rule’ of what I planned to study that was just too overwhelming. Hence that version of the blog just…getting archived on my personal computer and a new, fresh version of the blog started! Oh… And I guess the “first” incarnation of this blog was at Blogger, hence this 2018-present incarnation being the ‘third times the charm’. BLAH.